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| Name | G | AB | R | H | 2B | 3B | HR | RBI | TB | BB | K | SB | CS | AVG | OBP | SLG | OPS | WAR |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Michael Honcho RF | 108 | 484 | 94 | 141 | 16 | 2 | 19 | 51 | 218 | 42 | 68 | 76 | 18 | .291 | .350 | .450 | .801 | 3.7 |
| Faye Tafo-Felia CF | 108 | 465 | 66 | 144 | 10 | 3 | 14 | 68 | 202 | 45 | 86 | 0 | 2 | .310 | .368 | .434 | .802 | 4.2 |
| Dusty Backstop C | 108 | 452 | 72 | 138 | 5 | 0 | 24 | 80 | 215 | 43 | 85 | 0 | 1 | .305 | .366 | .476 | .842 | 4.5 |
| Brian Taylor 1B | 108 | 447 | 75 | 130 | 21 | 0 | 12 | 53 | 187 | 68 | 76 | 0 | 0 | .291 | .387 | .418 | .806 | 2.0 |
| Willy Whacker DH | 108 | 445 | 63 | 122 | 20 | 0 | 17 | 69 | 193 | 52 | 95 | 0 | 0 | .274 | .350 | .434 | .784 | 0.9 |
| Jaheem Butler LF | 108 | 415 | 44 | 116 | 17 | 0 | 9 | 61 | 160 | 37 | 79 | 0 | 2 | .280 | .338 | .386 | .724 | -0.2 |
| Enrique von Muy Caliente 2B | 108 | 412 | 53 | 122 | 11 | 2 | 9 | 47 | 164 | 56 | 66 | 0 | 2 | .296 | .383 | .398 | .781 | 3.3 |
| Rice Shower SS | 108 | 403 | 34 | 88 | 7 | 3 | 4 | 52 | 113 | 31 | 74 | 0 | 1 | .218 | .275 | .280 | .555 | -2.2 |
| Man Of Steal 3B | 108 | 371 | 58 | 103 | 6 | 1 | 19 | 56 | 168 | 48 | 69 | 19 | 1 | .278 | .359 | .453 | .812 | 1.9 |
| Tommy Killfigure RF | 42 | 12 | 2 | 5 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 6 | 5 | 1 | 0 | 1 | .417 | .588 | .500 | 1.088 | 0.0 |
| Gunnar Skovgaard SS | 55 | 12 | 2 | 3 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 3 | 6 | 2 | 1 | 1 | 0 | .250 | .333 | .500 | .833 | 0.3 |
