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| Name | G | AB | R | H | 2B | 3B | HR | RBI | TB | BB | K | SB | CS | AVG | OBP | SLG | OPS | WAR |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Bass Reeves 2B | 96 | 410 | 103 | 124 | 50 | 3 | 14 | 59 | 222 | 62 | 100 | 70 | 14 | .302 | .392 | .541 | .934 | 6.4 |
| Ted Giannoulas 1B | 96 | 396 | 82 | 117 | 26 | 1 | 28 | 88 | 229 | 61 | 105 | 0 | 0 | .295 | .386 | .578 | .964 | 3.3 |
| Lawn Gnomes RF | 96 | 393 | 72 | 132 | 38 | 1 | 17 | 81 | 223 | 44 | 82 | 0 | 0 | .336 | .400 | .567 | .967 | 4.0 |
| Daniel Plainview C | 96 | 390 | 74 | 143 | 45 | 3 | 22 | 98 | 260 | 47 | 97 | 1 | 1 | .367 | .433 | .667 | 1.100 | 6.4 |
| Chazz Lamborghini DH | 96 | 385 | 72 | 97 | 18 | 0 | 23 | 80 | 184 | 44 | 98 | 0 | 0 | .252 | .326 | .478 | .804 | 0.8 |
| Xicoyotl Montalbán 3B | 96 | 384 | 67 | 108 | 26 | 2 | 19 | 74 | 195 | 24 | 78 | 2 | 2 | .281 | .322 | .508 | .830 | 2.1 |
| Literal Flamingo SS | 96 | 358 | 66 | 107 | 33 | 7 | 7 | 51 | 175 | 27 | 87 | 0 | 3 | .299 | .344 | .489 | .833 | 2.2 |
| Smalls LF | 96 | 358 | 77 | 104 | 27 | 2 | 20 | 59 | 195 | 60 | 91 | 0 | 0 | .291 | .395 | .545 | .939 | 2.7 |
| Yvonne Escence CF | 96 | 352 | 51 | 87 | 25 | 1 | 7 | 52 | 135 | 42 | 82 | 0 | 1 | .247 | .335 | .384 | .719 | 0.9 |
